Goodbye to Me, Hello to…Me?

For the past several months, I haven’t felt like myself. 

On the surface, life has been great. Better than great actually. I have been checking things off my bucket list left and right. Achieving goals way sooner than I ever imagined. 

But instead of the joy and fulfillment I expected, I felt numb.

I kept finding myself using the word detached. I felt like I was watching all of these things happen to me instead of experiencing them for myself.

Until one day, it hit me. I am grieving. 

I am grieving the version of myself that I knew. The version that I had spent years defining, understanding, and finally appreciating. 

I knew her routines, her struggles, her goals. And once I achieved them, I was left feeling empty. 

After many failed attempts at convincing myself that I was fine and hoping the feelings would just pass, I realized that slapping a bunch of “love and light” on it was not helping. It was actually making me feel worse.

So instead, I sat with the grief. I leaned into it. I began searching for the lessons that I was meant to learn from it.

And after a lot of tears and a lot of journaling, I found my answers.

I realized that above all else, I was afraid. 

I was afraid to let go of who I was because I didn’t know who was on the other side.

I was afraid to embrace a new chapter because it was filled with uncertainty.

I was so afraid of failing that I kept myself from even trying. 

So this is me taking my first step into a new chapter.

I haven’t shared this with many people, but earlier this year I decided that I want to be a guide.

(It was actually less of a decision and more of a realization that this is deeply connected to my soul’s purpose, but more on that later.) 

Coach, mentor, guide .. I haven’t quite nailed down the title yet. All I know is that the joy I find in helping others tap into their magic and transform their lives is unmatched.

But because this is new territory, the little voice in my head came up with countless reasons why I should stay far away. 

“I’m not qualified.”

“It’s too different from my work as an artist.”

“Who would even want guidance from me anyways?”

I thought it was safer to listen to that voice. Until I realized, it’s not keeping me safe – it’s holding me back.

Unfortunately, this realization didn’t magically make the fears disappear. They are very much still there. Along with doubt, uncertainty – and don’t even get me started on imposter syndrome.

But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that this is something I have a deep desire to do.

So I’m going for it.

I’m giving myself permission to evolve.

We get so caught up in defining ourselves as if our identity isn’t always shifting and changing. We let who we are stop us from being who we want to be. 

So I’m here to remind you that every day you get to choose who you are. 

Today, I am choosing to get out of my own way.

2025 is the year that we create our own path.

It’s time we stop holding ourselves back.